Finished reading hy's blog..
cant really describe my feelings now..
sometimes..I choose to hurt ppl b4 hurting myself i guess...
d 1 i hurt d most i think is Naiba...really sry 4 him..
It's nt tat i dun wanna yumcha v him..
is..
whenever i'm v them..
i'm nt so comfortable..
i'll think alot..
n i dunno y...
i tried 2 act natural last night..
bt...seems like d words i used is x suitable..
""she is not angry of us..she is not mad or giving up at us..
she is juz so helpless..dunno wat to do to her feelings..
she wants to act cool on everything..but the more u think so the feelings will come up much more stronger..
it is so uncontrollable..
the more we act chill out n cool its actually potraying how much it meant to us..
Once we r so so so close..next sec when u look bac..we r so much like passing by stranger..
you dunno wat is she thinking anymore..
you tend to afraid the feeling that u noe nth more bout them.. you tend to afraid you will be left out from their world.. you will start to b afraid you will b left out from important events of their life... you might even scared tat they will neglect your existence one day..""
hy really understand my feelings...
bt...
i jz really dunno hw 2 deal v it..
i jz choose 2 ignore everythg n act as usual...
i truly deeply believe in d Xie Jiao spirit..
bt there's somethg missing...
n i'm still looking 4 it...
jz giv me some time...
4 d time being..
i'll jz hide myself in d "shelter" i bulit 4 myself..
陆，
ReplyDelete吾不晓得汝在邪帮发生了何事，
但必然是汝在人际关系上处理不当吧！
吾知之：
尔对友人无所保留，
却换不回同等的对待，
理必心伤
但，
人与人的关系并非间单的物物交换，
待人与诚，
应勿期望有所回报。
如此一来，
或多或少，
可削他人对尔之伤害。
友谊是经得起考验。
好友不会告你他的一切，
因信尔会知晓。
好友不必与尔腻在一快，
但会应尔所求，及时显身。
夜已深，
本小姐得去会周公子了。
给汝的话，
若汝能明白，实为高兴。
若不能理解，亦无所谓。
原能博取尔的一笑，无他。
Dear ama, chill. Chilling is to relax, and not be bothered about what the fuck is really going on. Live not to please man, stop trying to patch up things that has been lost. If you think that the past friendship is gone, then let it be gone, you still have the memory. If the opposite side wants to patch up too, things will work out just fine. But what is going to turn bad is if you keep pushing, and another keeps backing off. I'm not saying anyone in particular, i'm just telling you to chill. Once you learn to chill, things will be much better. Just don't care and concentrate on what is in front of you, not all around you. I know this advise sounds like shit, but it's actually true and much more wiser to follow. I had many many friends in my life that came and go, but what stays is the memories. Why is it that i'm chilling, is that i learned that there is no use trying to always 'get back' the 'feel' again. You know what i mean? Just, relax and take things easy...
ReplyDeleteTo be frank, i have no friends here. The only group of friends i have is my roommate. I'm always being bullied here you know? They like to take my things and talk bad about me. This girl that i always help in her homework and assignments, the only friend i have, well, she's a bitch. People here are all double faced. I am alone now, since weeks ago i started to resort to myself. Being alone. I'd go to campus alone, do things alone. Because i rather not have those kind of frineds. Sure, i have my bf by my side sometimes, but not all the time. I'm envious that you found your other friends, your choir friends your um friends. Here, i don't have anyone. I'm crying as i type this now because as hard as i'm trying to chill, i'm all the way in Labuan. Without anyone i can talk to and not be worry once my back is turned, they'll talk about me. I've been alone whole morning till now as of today, since 7. I'm more unhappy than you, but i'm chilling. I understand now that tears won't bring me friends, trying to make friends won't work unless the other side is willing and sincere.
I miss you, i miss my kmj buddies. I miss xie jiao a lot too. But i have not much way to reconnect, and being here, i don't even have friends. Staying off campus, i don't get to join much activities. You, being there, still get to say hi and bye to old friends even if you feel its not enough, you get to meet and have new friends, you get to join activities.
So ama, chill. I love you as much as you do to me. But since life moves on and people does, lets not get left behind in a silly shelter we build ourselves.