finally..
there's some time for me to actually blog..
hehe..
despite the time i wasted for the "restaurant rush" game...
i'm really really busy..
pls: nice game..hehe,...can really try it oso..
ha..

jz finish gotong-rong in d volley ball court..
asking me y so gd gal??
ha..i oso dunno y..
n d function is on d 5th..
dun really understand y r we gotong-royong-ing such early..
lol...

sometimes, i jz dun understand..
y are there such irresponsible person ??
its a group assgmt, bt i'm d 1 doin it..
pls la..
those STPM students..
can ur jz grow up??
stop relying on those who r younger than u ok??
ish!!
luckily i've nik 2 teach me.
otherwise...i think my whole group will DIE!!!!!

gotta pass up 2 assgmt on the same date tis week..
hw m i suppose to finish it while d PKB is in this week also??
haiz..

the only good news here is..
finally...
PKB is coming soon n it's the end of our worst nightmare..
phew.........

i wana go home....haiz...

Finished reading hy's blog..
cant really describe my feelings now..
sometimes..I choose to hurt ppl b4 hurting myself i guess...
d 1 i hurt d most i think is Naiba...really sry 4 him..
It's nt tat i dun wanna yumcha v him..
is..
whenever i'm v them..
i'm nt so comfortable..
i'll think alot..
n i dunno y...
i tried 2 act natural last night..
bt...seems like d words i used is x suitable..


""she is not angry of us..she is not mad or giving up at us..
she is juz so helpless..dunno wat to do to her feelings..
she wants to act cool on everything..but the more u think so the feelings will come up much more stronger..
it is so uncontrollable..
the more we act chill out n cool its actually potraying how much it meant to us..
Once we r so so so close..next sec when u look bac..we r so much like passing by stranger..
you dunno wat is she thinking anymore..
you tend to afraid the feeling that u noe nth more bout them.. you tend to afraid you will be left out from their world.. you will start to b afraid you will b left out from important events of their life... you might even scared tat they will neglect your existence one day..""

hy really understand my feelings...
bt...
i jz really dunno hw 2 deal v it..
i jz choose 2 ignore everythg n act as usual...

i truly deeply believe in d Xie Jiao spirit..
bt there's somethg missing...
n i'm still looking 4 it...
jz giv me some time...

4 d time being..
i'll jz hide myself in d "shelter" i bulit 4 myself..

home sweet home..

finally..
i'm bac 2 home..
home sweet homw...

goin bac hm..

never in my life i miss home sooOOoo Much..
There's lots of thgs on tis week..at 1st i hav 2presentation tis week,bt thx to d lecturer,he canceled macro tutorial,n postponed our presentation to next week..
Lots of assgmt hav nt done..
Lots of activities goin on..
Ah yao's birthday is next..
I wonder wat r they planning..
Jz hope tat i can really make it..

I miss those days..
Those days which we can sit shuttle bus goin around UM..
Those days which we can walk to kfc jz to eat d cheesy wedges..
Those day which we can limteh anytime we like..
Those day which we can go sing k whenever we plan..
Those day where we really enjoy university life..

2nd sem..
D most wrong decision i made is to join pkb..
Although i din really giv commitment(tat's d true..i'm x a responsible ajk..sry ya..)bt there's stil a responsiblity over there..

Hate to b such busy..
Hate to b so blur whn there's a lecture..
Hate d feeling of cant catch up wat's d lecturers r talking about..
Hate i dun hav my own time to finish 1novel at all..

So..i've decided to leave everythg here..go bac straight to my home sweet home..to be my daddy mummy's daughter..nt any ajk of pkb..nt a swimmer..nt a performer for che ling..i jz wan to b myself..someone v no burden of responsibilty..

Take me home..

懒得去管

^LoVe t!s Song alot^
really 懒得去管 ~~~

歌手：孙燕姿

~懒得去管~


时间是下午两点半
我睡到自然醒
喔你来按电铃
该整理的还在原地
冰箱也冷清清
该怎么招待你


摸摸口袋

只剩铜板

心里很酸

而且是新币三块半






唉懒得去管



顺其自然



天空为你我而蓝



烦脑抛开



脑袋空白


糊里糊涂也不坏
唉呀唉呀~~~



莫名其妙的城市
谁回来谁离去
没有一定规律
在半夜吃个巧克力
会胖个几公斤
又有什么关系

才出门去
忘了手机
心里很急
又发现钥匙还在家里

Home Sick...

I wanna go bac hm..
missed Segamat soOo much..
missed daddy n mummy..
of cz my beloved popo n my 2 naughty sis..hehe..
it's like i din c my family 4 quite some time..
although its only 2 weeks..

mayb staying in d hostel means none stop programmes..
swimming training, assgmt, group discussions..etc..
i'm sick of being active..

pls...
giv me extra time..

sometimes..
i jz hope tat there's someone there 4 me..
at least
b my listener..
b my supporter...

Happy Valentine..

well..
yest was valentine..
was celebrating my "single" valentine v my frens...
yup...

valentine..
is jz like a normal day for those singles..
well..
as usual.
woke up early in d morning 2 get some stamina training...
was thinkin tat we wil hav bread for breakfast..
bt..end up..our breakfast was oily fried rice..sob...

did nothg d wholeday althogh i've planned 2 finish part of my assgmt..
bt...
haiz..nothg is done..

went 2 gym1 to watch HT's basketball match..
tis time she seems ore important as they let her ply on court at least for 2 minutes..
before tat 2 second..
wat kinda training is tat..

after tat, went swimming..

thn..
dinner..
thn..
end up in Mid Valley...

asking me why i'll turn up there?
gd que..
hehe..

it was a sudden plan..
n we end up there..

d best part today was..
i MET Pak Siong...

haha...
1 of my besties..
bt we din really talk much..
cz he's hungry n i gotta go 4 movie ady...

"House"
This MoViE is NOT NICE AT ALL!!
keep frighten me up..though my frens says it's bored..
ya..
u r right...i'm scare of this kinda shows..
scarry...

n..
wat did i did inside d cinema??
well..
i only watch bout 40% of the show i guess..
d others time..
i was keep closing my eyes n my ears..

tat's wat i say..
waste RM11 jz 2 frighten urself n sitting in front..
at d 1st row!!

neway..
it's quite fun oso..

lastly...
happy valentine..to me ..and of course those who accompany me celebrating single valentine..

i'm SooOoo sleepy now!!

yet,
i'm using d stupid line in my room 2 send mails n trying 2 get sponsarship in tis kinda economic situation..
shit!!!!!!
wat i'm doin??
kanasai!!

shit PP..
went clubbing while our work is nt done!!
pls grow up la!!
SHIT PKB!!
hate all tis stuff..

tis 2 weeks will b my nightmare 4eva..

hate myself for joining tis kinda activities..
i din enjoy my uni life nw!!

my schedule nw is like soOoo full..
so frustrated..

MAHSUM training is making me more stress..
those r national swimmers..
me??
wakil tepi longkang..
every1 is so Pro..
n i'm d lousiest over there..
haiz..
lots 2 ekspress...yet i hav no time 2 do so..
haiz....

生气?介意?

生气?介意?

前天仲信达给我问了是否介意他在他的blog上所写的东西……

对于仲信的blog我甚至没有这些负面的感觉……
还很感谢他，
感谢他
让我知道要如何面对这份情谊…
感谢他让
我明白邪教对我的意义……

昨天看了hui yee 的blog 说就算我生气也不应该把我的blog锁着……
真的是生气吗？

其实，我自己也还没理清楚自己的情绪……
然而我唯一确定有的情绪是“失望”而已吧…
老实说，
那天当知道霜在3rd的时候，而她竟然也不通知我一声，
说真的是有点介意，一点失望，甚至是生气……

当天，练完游泳，在忙着包dedication的东西时，已经很累的时候，
忘了huiyee的电话不能够看华语字，她的一通电话，让我知道了霜在那里……
无法形容自己当时的心情…
我想有时敏感的我在作祟了……
我很介意，
虽然huiyeee说霜一去到她那儿便睡着了，醒来的时候已经是9点了，可是，
当她们打给我时是10++
难道就不能通知我吗？
真的很hurt,不晓得为什么，就是会有被伤到的感觉…

那不是告诉自己要放下了吗？

放下？
谈何容易？
那么多的共同回忆…

只好告诉自己，学会去不介意…
不介意人家待你如何…
不去介意你在朋友中的地位…
不去介意会令你受伤的小事情……

以往八卦的我，
在一次地提醒着自己……
不要去介意……

或许，
不去介意就不会受到伤害吧~

那天，
去看了奶爸他们对我们的友谊赛，
整个过程中，
我甚至没什么和大头，奶爸他们聊到天…
问我，他们在打球阿，怎样跟你聊？
对阿，
他们在忙……
但，当我看见了他们的时候，
竟然只剩下尴尬……
以往的熟悉感呢？
我找不到了……

有时候真的觉得的友谊真的是很脆弱……
或许是该说，
属于我的友情吧……
不晓得为什么我的友谊都经不起
“距离”的考验……
那么的不堪一击……

所以，
我学会了……
不要去介意……

但是，
真的是能够做到不去介意吗？
老实说，我自己都没有信心……
当你习惯去在乎的时候，要忽然间忽略，真的有点难……
所以，
我依然在学习当中……

学习
如何不去介意，
学习
如何不去敏感，
学习
如何把友谊看淡，
学习
如何保护自己……

放下与相信

现在的我，
仍然那么的敏感……

看了仲信的blog，
要我相信我们的友谊……
对我们得来不易的友情有信心……
对大家有信心…
相信大家都没变…
相信我们的邪教经得起考验……

说真的，
邪教，是我最最最珍惜的朋友……

然而经过时间的冲击，
我迟疑了…
原本相信邪教是我的精神支柱的心也开始动摇了……
没信心了…
原本的诉苦地方还在吗？
我迷惘了……


真的还能像以前吗？
我对他们的感觉真的还是如此的亲密吗？
真的还能够无所不谈吗？
真的能够坦然自在吗？
I Doubt Myself..

经过时间的冲击，
我越来越敏感了…
也越来越讨厌我自己……

讨厌现在的我，
讨厌敏感的我，

敏感的我发现，
邪教不再像以前的邪教…
我不再像我…

“分享”…
不再在我的邪教字典出现 ……
“吹水”…
不再在我邪教活动中……

取而代之的竟然是…

“冷场”
频出现在有我的地方…
对，你们都是在吹水，
曾经，我也对我的吹水功夫很有信心，然而你们发现了吗？
现在的我已开始学会保持沉默……

一个人在房间时，
胡思乱想的我又出现了……
觉得自己越来越远离他们了…
原本一件小事，我也能放大来看…
伤了自己，也错怪了别人……
（想在这里跟奶爸道歉，因为我的无理取闹让您受委屈了）

是没有安全感吗？
我也不知道……

只知道现在不断地提醒自己，
不要太敏感…
世界上没有永远的朋友，
但，只要有回忆，心中的友情还是能长久……
朋友与好朋友之间只多了那一个“好”字……

我们依然有自己的路要走，
有自己的社交圈子，
只要心中有大家，
友谊还是能继续……

这一次的我要让自己学会
“放下”
不要把每个事情都看得太重…
“好”字，只是一个形容词，
好朋友没有了“好”字仍然是朋友……
“放下”至少让敏感的我不再那么惹人厌……

我依然相信邪教的精神所在……


(特别感谢仲信，明泽，Vivian，Irene，hui yee 给了我对邪教的信心……谢谢你们……
谢谢明泽，虽然我们不常见面，不常联络，但新年前的谈话真的让我深深感受到“邪教”对我的意义……
谢谢仲信，那一个给我信心的人…
谢谢Vivian&Irene让我感觉到我还是你们的Ah Ma
谢谢hui yee虽然每次在我emo时都没什么帮上忙，然而，谢谢你的耳朵……也谢谢你时常为我带来邪教成员的消息……)

bac 2 Um..
almost 1 week here..
class started..
Assgmts r coming all d way..
looking at d ppl around me..
hardworking..
no last min job..
bt me?

ha..
i'm stil d same..

CNY is over..
d brand new me is here..

CNY

Times really files..
Class is tml..
n CNY has came to its end..
haiz..
y cant it last longer??

so..
jz wanna jot down some memories of tis CNY b4 i forget in d future..
hehe..

the first day of Chinese New year..

*~My 1st Day's Look..~*

as usual, went 2 d temple in d morning..

*~together v my sis n my cousins in front of the temple..~*
n started our visiting during noon..
of cz..
nt forgetting d gambling part..
ha..thx 2 uncle lui for being the backup..ha..i lost RM30 on d 1st gambking part..he helped me 2 pay RM20 le..hehe...arent tis is d sign for me tat i'm x suitable 2 bet durn CNY??hehe..
*winks~~ gt my ang pau..hehe..


~* On Our Way 2 Reunion Dinner..*~
thn during night time..
I hav my renunion Dinner.
The "Loke's" dinner..
there r 11 tables of us..
wao..wat a big family..
lots of food..

~* The Lou Sang*~


~*Us Again..*~

n d organizing family even organize d game..
sometimes i wonder..
20yrs old is stil consider as a kid o os an adult dy??
v d games...for me..its like..kinda childish..hehe..
telling them tat i've pass d time..
yet..they r stil asking me 2 ply..ha..
and of course..
it's d Oldies night..
lots of oldies played..
hehe..
even me went up n sing v my cousin a song..
"Tonight I Celebrated My Love For You"
ha..
only tat 1 of the mic system is x tat gd..haiya..
here goes d reunion dinner...

if u think it's the end of my 1st day..u r wrong..
hehe..

went 2 han siong's house after d reunion dinner at 12am..
together v all my besties..

~* My Besties..*~
hehe.
we gambe,we chit chat,we go 2McD after Hansiong earn so much frm gambling..
n..reach bac home at 5am~wao...
so early..
of cz..sure kena by my mum d next morn..hehe..

..Chu Er..
after coming bac soOo early tis morn..
so..hav a nice slp n..woke up durin d time 4 lunch..
soO...jz went visiting at my granma's place..
ply v cousins..
n thn..
my frens came visiting..
hehe..
of cz..
i joined them n we started gambling at Yik Chi's house...
sincerely it's d 1st time i bet such big..
we were playing d "In Between"
v every1's bet is only RM1 n we put it in d center pool..
thn..after playing..
there's RM10,RM50..
tat's alot..
i really enjoy it man..bt...i din win any..aiks...
during night time..
went 4 my class gathering n visited 2 my teacher's house..
nt much 2 say..
as the teacher jz leave us outside his house 2 gamble n he's watching tv in his house..
din join us pun..ble:P
thn..we went 2 "Village" 2 meet up some other 5F classmate...
bump into Pui Yin whom i din meet her for a long time..
i msg her bout our class gathering bt she din reply me..haiz..Geram betul...

after "Village", we went 2 another's fren house 2 gamble gain..
we r really 赌鬼 right?really can bet..
bt tis time.
i din really ply as i noe luck is nt at my side..ha..
bt whn i c them betting..
it's so shuang 2 c tat d centre pool there has RM200++
wao..
wanted 2 go 4 McD again after Fei hu winning bout RM100,
bt..thn..end up..every1 is so tired..so..we end up having mcD in our dreams..

The 3rd Day Of Chinese New Year..

din go anywhere...
cz my cousins r goin bac todya..
so..
jz sit at home n gamble v them..
tis yr is nt d yr 4 me man.,.
keep loosing money again..
My cousin won 40++ n wanted 2 giv us an ais kacang treat..
bt..haiz.
hard 2 get it durin CNY..
so..end up.
b4 she go bac..she giv 3 of us bac RM10..
ha..funny right..lol..

during noon n night..
went 2 my grandma's place n started gamble again...
n ogf cz..
i lost again..lol..
hehe..

i was suppose 2 go out v Jia Hen they all at 10 tat night..
bt..haiz..Guys r owez late...
Waited them 4 half an hour..
bt..haiz..
stil hang out v them oso..
hehe..really din c them 4 quite some time dy ma..haha..
bt..dunno y tis time Wei jie hav curfew..
so..we jz end our yamcha so early..
went bac hm almost 1am..
soOoo early..
haiz..

..chu 4..

being a gd al n astay at home durin day n noon....
went out 4 class gathering at night..
hehe..
CCC,me form 5F econ teacher belanja 10 of us Steamboat..
hmm..
i LOVE steamboat..
haha..
of cz..
we went 2 CC house after tat..n started gamble oso..
tis time..
i din really gamble oso..
hehe..
cz..
it's too high risk..
after tat..we went 2 Ee lun's house 4 K..
well..
it's dun..
bt my parents call me n aski me 2 go bac home..
n it's nt even 1..
ish...
wat la??
it's my last night v them le..
GERAM betul..

at last..
they went 2 Mcd n..
i'm bac home..
haiz..

geram geram geram..
i wan Banana Pie.
ish..

the rest of the day..
din really go anywhere..
jz sit at home n watch tv...
din even started my assgmt..
haiz..
really 堕落..

tat's all i guess.hehe..

#wil upload d pics later ya..lazy nw..hehe...#