隐瞒vs决定权

每一次告诉自己
要放开、要放下、别计较、笑一笑…
然而，
一次又一次的隐瞒…
一次又一次的假装…
一次又一次的“谅解”…
都让我们失望透了…

怀疑自己是不是做错了…
怀疑自己是不是真的小气…
怀疑自己是不是如此的惹人厌…

谢谢你们的“谅解”…
谢谢你们的“体谅”…
谢谢你们的“体贴”…

除了这些我不晓得还有什么能够谢了~

然而，这些都不是我们所需要的…
我们要的是“决定权”…
不是霸道，而是想知道…

当你从别人口中知道了真相，
而且是属于你们一gang的东西时，
你的心情会是如何？

我承认，我感觉到我被嫌弃…
更替他们觉得委屈…因为我，他们也连带的被遗忘…
甚至于被责怪，原因就是太挺我…
挺我有错吗？

试问，
朋友在你们的定义是什么？
难道就真的是吃、喝、玩、乐吗？
那你的酸、甜、苦、辣要找谁分担呢？

那天看到了明明是最熟悉的你，
两天前还通过电话…
从家乡来到了KL,也没有通知…
对，没错，
你，
或许认为我们可以从他人口中知道你有回过来…
或许认为我们在忙着跑donation drive…
或许认为我们巧遇你了之后会主动联络你…
我们的心摇摇欲坠…
已经在经不起打击…
担心你给的借口…
逃避你给的理由…
胆怯你给的反应…
而你，
从头到尾都抱着鸵鸟心态的你
又再一次的让我们受伤了…
对你而言
一封信息很贵吗?
一封电话很难吗？
还是
是我们应该主动联络你们呢？
是我们应该面对你们的冷落？
是我们应该把问题解决好？

谢谢你们又再一次的
让我知道友谊真正的定义是什么…
谢谢你们又再一次的
在我们的伤口上撒盐…
谢谢你们又再一次的
提醒着我们原本以不当一回事的往事…

除了谢谢，还是谢谢……

其实，
真的没有必要隐瞒，
隐瞒所造成的伤害是你们不能想象的…
没错，
你们会认为我们我们敏感…
但，
将心比心，
如果有一天，我们原本是一大班的朋友
有了某个计划，而你就是被遗忘的那个…
如果某一天，大家都计划好了，最后一个才很敷衍的问你…
你的感受如何？

或许你们都不会有这样的经历…
因为你们还有彼此…
而我，却只有珊，Lobak 和Ah Xian…

你们一直一直强调着，
问题是在我们身上…
我们的敏感，
我们的小气，
我们的放不开，
让你们很为难…
然而
你们呢？
难道所有的问题就只是出在单方面吗？

决定权并不是因为我们霸道…
而是至少让我们知道我们
没有被遗弃，
没有被遗忘，
没有被排斥…

这小小的通知真的很辛苦吗？

看这原本聊天可以很直接的我们
竟然变得有所顾虑…
很尴尬…
很勉强…
甚至有时候你们对我们约你们的态度…
让我们觉得
我们真的很霸道、不讲理…

心真的很痛…

或许所有人都认为是我，是我们把友情看得太重了…
那……
如你们所愿，
陆宇盈已经不是你们所认识的陆宇盈了…
她的笑容，她的高调，她的欢乐已不属于大家了…

她不再坚持友谊是她的全部…
谢谢你们把她的信念给活生生的碾碎……
谢谢！！

My beloved Xie Jiaos & My 20th birthday...

It took some time for me to think....to recall.... and then...a big smile came out...

I wonder...
hw STUPID m i whn i told CS bout my disappointment towards Xie Jiaos..
hw BAD m i by hurting them in such words..
hw EVIL m I telling them i feel like giving up..
giving up after wat we hav been through..
giving up after tiring of seeing our situation...
giving up the most precious friendship i hav...

n..
Thanks..thx for x letting go..
Thanks..thx for showing me wat r true friendship..
Thanks..thx for all d patient ur gave..

okok...tat's for all..lets talk bout my
"SUPPOSE" to be surprise 2oth birthday celebration
by them...

n i wonder why?
why ur will use such excuse 2 ask me out?
n d only thg i can say that
ur really understand me well...
if d other reason tat ur asked me out..
it'll only b a sry....haha....
luv u guys.....haha..
the msg i get was frm vivian...
"Ma...wanna go for a dinner and a movie tonight?was moody lately tis few days.."


i really thought it was only a simple makan and movie..
like usual, we were talking in d car...
thn vivian suggested to go for western food...
i was like ok..anythg....n..skip d private part ya..hehe..
bt once i reach there..
i saw Hui yee, Zhen yu, Shum, Suang, NaiBa, Tian Yew,Tong sian, Ming Cher, WeiXiang, Big Head..
and..i'm actually x tat stupid le hui yee...haha..
was persuading myself tat tat's really such nagm nagm..haha..
while we was waiting for d table...
n..actually...
i c some 破绽frm ur..haha..
1stly..
i say Ming cher's hand v a present...
and then wei xiang who is sitting next to me asking d others loudly wat bout d cake?as he thought we r changing restaurant...
.......
i'm actually x tat blur k?
haha.....

and at last..
we hav our own table..
n whn every1 was busy ordering..
n while waiting our food..
Ah Yao's msg really spoilt all d surprise...
haha...i even stil save his msg till now..
" hey,hapi early bday ya~sori i cnt celebrate 4 u with kiki them nw...hapi oways^^n gud luck in ur final la~~"
i pass d msg 2 all of them..
n hui yee's reaction was d funniest one..haha
"他妈的王八蛋" she say so..haha..
thx 2 ah yao was spoiling all d surprise officially..
bcz b4 tat i was only gueesing...

bt..
its stil d best celebration i had for my 2oth birthday...
really...thx u all...
i wonder hw bored my life wil b without ur....

ha....lazy 2 upload picx le..
jz go to d xie jiao blog n read it ya...
Hui Yee gt it v a vy vy vy gd describtion...

http://xiejiao0708.blogspot.com/2009/11/here-i-am-again.html

EXAM Week

finally~~

Final is over..n so do I.. Finished Final= Finished me...

the whole exam week i was together v

::

...hehe...
she's d 1 tat heard d most
"haiz.....OMG..HeLp ....Can I Jz give up??Can I go commit suicide?
can I do this?Can i ?bla bla bla...." frm me...haha...sry for making ur ears pain ya..
n tell ur roommates sry if i disturbed them...haha..
bt i bet they werent b mad at me 1 la...haha..they so frenly..haha...

this exam week was like..
"WAO"...
is d only word 2 describe....
our looks r jz like aunties...
x k bout image...
Study..talk, break.. is d activities...
n o ya...
i've did d MOST MOST MOST succesful Study Group ever in my study life..
all d study group i join previously was ended up v CRAPPINg..
bt..tis time is soooOoo diff..hha..
we manage to finish discussion for CT!!


The messy table....v Hui Yee's Apple n itunes on...hehe
d top ranking song "猜不透"&"我爱他"by 丁当..nice song..^^


SS aunty Hui Yee v d key chain i forgotten 2 pass her sOOo long ago...haha..
n seriously..i can c ur double chin le....^^


Hui yee's frenly Roommate fui Shan...
a vy vy funny gal..haha...
loves korea songs n can ignore wat is happening around her whn her earphone is on...haah


No Idea wat sub i'm doin..
bt i guess its somethg to do v calculation..
cz my face is sooOo Serious..lolz..haha...
Intro maths perhaps...



o ya..x forgetting..
d birthday present tat my buddy purposely send over to 3rd for me..
hehe..thx ya buddy..^^

Birthday Countdown at McD.. :
( we did bring notes there ok??studying in Mc D..)

shy shy Sin Yee...


( Auntyy HY showin her cheeks...lolz..yala ya la...noe u put on weight aduy,.bt..
食得是福 ok??must follow my principal 民以食为天..haha)


Sin Yee again pura-pura 2 b shy...haha..


Finally......a pic frm d youngest among us...miss Chia...haha


and of cz..
not forgetting taking a pic together v Bobo's daddy mummy...
haha..
Zhen Yu was suppose 2 do his resume..
bt end up watching anime pula..lolz...

The next day...

Sin Yee is here for d rescue...haha..
rescue my micro...hehe..

she's really good in picking final que..haha..
those que she do, all sure come out onw..
n d MoOoOoost GERAM stuff is..
I din finish reading which pass yr she had do..lolz..


while Sin Yee is helping me v my micro..Hui yee is so hardworking pia-ing~~

The day before EP and Stat paper..
(The day HY asked me to DIAM!!ahahahahhah)
-p/s : purposely for reminder..wakaka...kill me ba..miss leong...-


sitting down memorising EP n gave up stat...haha
camera woman: HY's frenly roommate..haha

FINAL DAY:
we din even touch our CT..
n..
here come d most succesful study group ever....
Venue : KFC


Serious Aunty Amy...
2nd time 2 KFC for d same purpose, discussion..lolz..
her notes really save our day...


Sin Yee..d "Natural Disaster" she read, came out AGAIN...haha


Every1 is SoOo serious..
Aunty Emily purposely stay until 11.00++ until her mum called...

last bt not least..ME + Mother HY..ahha

the cont part was at Tangkak Mei's room..
where Sin Yee tumpang for d few days here..
we din took any pic..
cz it was hours to d paper n we stil haven fish discussion.....
haiz..
wasted le..
shud hav taken some pic...

tat's All of my study week..
thx 2 d xiao zha bor gang ya.haha..
although my resulot is predictable..
although next sem i wil nyt b taking d same sub v ur..
thx for being there ya..hehe..

stressful nitez..

I'll b having my Econ development paper in....
erm...7 more hours time?
Statistics II paper in 13 more hours time perhaps?

2 paper in 1 day again...
and its STAT!!

life sucks whn everythg comes v CALCULATION!!

hw many times i've been telling d others..
i shud nt go 4 Econs..
I shud hav took Linguistik..
or some other subject without Calculation..
Some other subject tat i can throw away d calculator?

haiz..
i'm nt gd in calculation..
i'm nt gd in memorising..

i wonder..
wat m i really gd am..

its another stressful and emo night..
czme bac frm hui yee's room at tis hour n i'm stil nt done v my studies...

haiz..
life do sucks whn finals is here..
tis is d N times i'm blamming myself for doin LAST MINUTES work again..

bt wil tis b another improvement tat during tis sem's study n exam week,
Instead of missing those matrics day..
i started to miss my 1st yr Study week..

Sem 1...D DS biscuits, my birthday, er shao jessica, me gui ying, lobak hanging around Ds n study...
Sem 2..head over Gui Ying's room..suffer together for Stat I..asking Nik to teach us..went over Aunty Emily's room for Macro, Law...Getting closer v d xiao zha bor gang..

This sem..
everythg seems to b like QUIET...
n even myself..
d used to b noisy,high profile JY is nw more quiet..
lazy to talk perhaps...

last time i was labeled as Happy go Lucky..
bt i guess nw..
wat i hav in ppl eyes r only ..
emotional..-ve..selfish...n again..BURDEN...

I'm trying 2 grow up nw..
i'm trying to b quiet so tat i can really b low profile..
I'm trying to stand still...so tat i can b strong enuf..
I'm trying to solve thgs myself...
T'm trying hard not to make thgs more complicated...

UNTIL...
I felt i'm loosing myself...
i'm no more myself...
who m i actually?
I AM ASKING MYSELF too....
wat m i used to be?

where's d jy owez v a smile on her face?
where's d jy tat ppl x tahan bcz of her noisy-ness?
where's d over friendly jy tat every1 noe?
where's she?

i guess tat she has losts her way..
she has her self conflict inside her..
she's blur..
sometimes she cant differentiate which is d true her n which mask is she putting on..
only Hy wil c her true face i guess....although HY wil ask her to "DIAM"!!
bt it's gd 2 hav some1 for me 2 complain...

argh!!

its another emo n stresdful night..
gotta get bac to my studies dy...

Reminder : remind me 2 blog bout my birthday celebration ya...^^

:-)

2 more days..
i'll b having my 1st paper..Intro maths...on the 5th Nov..
lolz..

the 5th of November 2009 is not only the significant of the day i start my way to d road of failure..
asking me wat is in my mind for all d subject i'm having tis sem?I hav no idea at all~~

but..on the other hand,
this coming 5th of November brings me to another phrase of my life...starting v number "2" for my age...showing that i shud b more mature, more independent, and more confidence...and tat's a small wish of mine for tis year...

Though 5th of Nov is nt here yet..
yet..
there r some early celebration..^6^


This is d 1st time celebrating my birthday at Genting..
bt..its nt a surprise oso..at 1st Lobak wanted 2 giv us a surprise..end up..to persuade we go, he nid 2 tell us straight bout d early celebration..so..here goes Genting...

special thx to Ah Xian, Lobak, En Keat and Ah Tuck for giving me and shan a special celebration..

let the pics tell the stories...

Instead of Sitting Ah Xian's car 2 Genting, we syok syok wanna sit cable car jz to take some fresh air...bt, end up, we gotta squeeze on the Awana Cabel Car together with around 35 ppl..haiz..suffering inside with NO FRESH AIR!!

The 1st pic we took once we reach Genting...
Taken by Lobak best buddy -another Ah Xian



Green Tea Birthday Cake frm them..

The birthday gals....


Cake cutting...may alL our dreams come true..

Lobak took us for cheap mamak food~
its nice to eat in a cold environment v delicious food and beautiful night view... bt d nasi lemak's sotong was x nice at all..

Too Tired dy...

Too tired until cant open my eyes...

End Of Tat day..n started my Study week.....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

LAST day of study week...

ANOTHER EARLIED KNOWN BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION by me beloved Xie Jiaos...


Its a long,wonderfulv lots of funny stuff....so..i'll do it in another blog k?
for thiriller...go read xie jiao's blog ya..
lots to blog on it..bt i'm jz too sleepy n CS jz phoned me n we crapped until i forgotten hw sentimental i was jz nw...==

男人,女人

男人,女人

男人要永远感谢在他20多岁的时候曾经陪在他身边的女人，

因为20多岁的男人处在一生中的最低点,

没钱、没地位，没房、没车、没事业，

不能独立又不想依赖，

挣扎着彷徨着，寻找自己的位置！

20多岁的女人却是她生命中最灿烂的时候；

男人要永远感谢在他20多岁的时候曾经陪在他身边的女人，

因为二十多岁的男人还很“懵懂”，

而二十多岁的女人却很灿烂；

二十多岁的男人处在一生中的最低点，

而二十多岁的女人却是她的大好华年；

二十多岁的男人很不知珍惜，

而二十多岁的女人最需要被珍惜；

二十多岁的男人自卑到极点所以非常自负，

而二十多岁的女人却在努力建立他的自信；

二十多岁的男人不懂爱，不会爱却需要爱，

而二十多岁的女人需要被爱，需要关怀，却要付出呵护付出关怀；

二十多岁的男人没钱、没事业，但有欲望而二十多岁的女人空守着自己的韶光不再；

女孩子二十岁左右是她最美丽的年华，

这时她的心地最善良，

她有点成熟，又有点孩子气。

男孩子在二十多岁时遇见了一个年纪相当的女孩子，

那一定要珍惜她，

因为这个女孩是用自己最美丽的年华陪他走过了最暗淡的日子 !!!

女孩只要陪他走过，女孩会永远幸福下去~~~

女孩对你撒娇甚至无理取闹时，

请男孩不要烦恼女孩，

因为她们有道理这样，

我们没理由烦恼，

们要做的就是很理解很理解，

保护好这位天使，

我们到了30岁，

正当我们最美丽的时候，

请你不要放开这位曾经的天使 !!!

二十多岁的男人不知道珍惜,不知道感恩。

他们三十多岁的时候,事业有成,成熟稳重.

开始嫌弃曾经陪伴过他,

不再年轻的女人，

人说男人其实是最专一的

因为从20岁到80岁的男人都喜欢20岁左右年轻漂亮的女人。

是个笑话,但也是个事实。